Customs and Traditions—The marriage vows

In the wedding ceremony, the marriage vows are the final pledge of consent between a couple to become husband and wife.

The vows have remained quite standard throughout history—the person marrying you can ask if you pledge to adhere to the vows he lists (to which you say, “I do”) or you can say the vows yourself. When doing so, you can repeat the words after the person who weds you or you can memorize them and say them yourself. (If you decide to say the vows yourself, you won’t be saying, “I do.”) If you are marrying under a specific religion tradition, you’ll most likely be following whatever standard vows follow that religion.

Couples lately have often decided to write their own vows instead. This publically announces the couple’s affection for each other, adding a bit of intimacy to the speech. Couples can write their own vows together (so that the bride and groom will speak the same vows at the ceremony) or they can write their vows separately. Though the method of “writing your own vows” is popular, choosing to go with the standard vows is perfectly acceptable—they have, after all, been used throughout time.

If you’re considering writing your own vows, keep in mind that doing so should be romantic, not stressful. This is not a test of love: It shouldn’t make you feel guilty. Just think about how you’re about to marry someone you love very much; think of your life together and how you can best please the other to continue a happy, healthy relationship.

You should start writing your vows about two months before the wedding, as you’ll want to put some thought into them and you’ll be busy the closer the wedding date comes. Plan for them to take up about 2-3 minutes in the ceremony. Inspiration for vows can come from anywhere, be it music, movies, poems, novels, or memories. You can even reword traditional vows. They cover the anticipation of living together as a wedded couple, the characteristics of each other, the moment you knew you were in love. Brides.com advises to keep vows simple, because you can’t possibly cram every feeling into a short amount of time. It also suggests keeping a copy of the vows at the altar just in case you forget them or if you decide not to memorize them.

If you’re writing your vows individually, talk first to each other to make sure you’re both on the same page—this way, one of you won’t have written a book while the other only wrote a couple lines. Read your vows over out loud to yourself when you’re writing your draft. This way, as brides.com says, you’ll know if something sounds awkward. Have someone else look over it, too. He or she might be able to point something out you missed.

Wedding vows are the testament to a couple’s relationship together. As vows, they should be lived by.

By Lynn - Today's Bride Magazine and Shows

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